kakapoy oi!

where do I go from here?

This is the question that I keep on asking myself these past few days. Another year has passed and I’m still here….waiting for what? Nothing, I’m afraid.Everone is on their heels, getting their destinies fulfilled, yet here I am, wallowing on my thoughts in misery.

I am working my ass off 4 nights each week. Each night seems sooooooo long that I keep on controling myself from pressing the headset button to end my agony.

Three days in a row I try to get my brains to work (going to school, that is!). Termpapers, reports and a lot of paperworks - I loved it before but now they have lost their appeal on me.

When did I start feeling this way? I don’t know. I can’t even remember what started it.I feel like I’m experiencing mid-life crisis on what supposed to be the prime of my life. But for heaven’s sake, I am only 24!…tsk!tsk!tsk!

I feel like I’m going nowhere. I feel so empty. I feel so tired. My batteries are drained and I feel so worn out.

Jaded. yeah. That’s me.

linger

If you, if you could return Dont let it burn, dont let it fade Im sure Im not being rude But its just your attitude Its tearing me apart Its ruining everything And I swore, I swore I would be true And honey so did you So why were you holding her hand Is that the way we stand Were you lying all the time Was it just a game to you

But Im in so deep You know Im such a fool for you You got me wrapped around your finger Do you have to let it linger Do you have to, do you have to Do you have to let it linger

Oh, I thought the world of you I thought nothing could go wrong But I was wrong I was wrong If you, if you could get by Trying not to lie

(cranberries) Things wouldnt be so confused And I wouldnt feel so used But you always really knew I just wanna be with you

And Im in so deep You know Im such a fool for you You got me wrapped around your finger Do you have to let it linger Do you have to. do you have to Do you have to let it linger

over

I’m over your lies and I’m over your games. I’m over you asking me When you know I’m not okay. You call me and I… And I pick up the phone. And though you’ve been telling me, I know you’re not alone. Oh and that’s why

Your eyes… I’m over it. You’re smile… I’m over it. Realized… I’m over it, I’m over it, I’m over…

Wanting you to be wanting me. No, that ain’t no way to be. How I feel. Read my lips. Because I’m so over… (I’m sorry)

Moving on It is my time. You never were a friend of mine. Hurt at first a little bit But now I’m so over So over it. I’m so over it…

Wanting you to be wanting me. No, that ain’t no way to be. How I feel. Read my lips. Because I’m so over it.

Moving on It is my time You never were a friend of mine Hurt at first a little bit Now I’m so over So over it.

(katharine mcphee)

shet!!!

How is it possible for love and hate to be so closely knitted that you cannot determine the beginning nor the end of each emotion?

Is it really possible to love a person merely by thoughts and not by heart?

How can one deal an emotion so strange that one can’t even name such feeling?

How can one fight an urge that is larger than life?

I hate what I am feeling right now.

I am torn between wanting and turning away.

Hearing his name keeps on reminding me of how stupid I have become.

People may know how I feel, but they will never understand how deep nor how frustrating it is .

I am tired.

I am so tired in fighting that I wanna be free from him, free from his memories ……

I’m drowning by such strong emotions that I can’t hardly breathe….

I wanna be sane again….and hopefully, sane I shall be.

(grrr!!! tua ra! gadrama na pod! shet!)

Am I still normal?

I’m getting tired of the monotonous way my life is turning. New year has come but nothing’s changed. I’m still the same old gal a couple of years back. I don’t know…maybe I am just being my “pathetic” self again. I hate my job. I hate school. I can’t/don’t wanna sleep (though I still have my appetite for food, though. Thank God!). All I wanna do is stay at home, watch tv and wait for another day to pass me by.

I miss my Bo. Maybe that’s the problem.

this song is for him….

Someday you’re gonna realize One day you’ll see this though my eyes By then I won’t even be there I’ll be happy somewhere Even if I cared I know you don’t really see my worth You think you’re the best guy on earth Well I’ve got news for you I know I’m not that strong But it won’t take long Won’t take long

Someday someone’s gonna love me The way I wanted you to need me Someday someone’s gonna take your place One day I’ll forget about you Someday someday

Right now I know you can tell I’m down and I’m not doing well But one day these tears they will all run dry I won’t have to cry, sweet goodbye

(how I wish!)

BAKIT “SINGLE” ANG STATUS KO….(alamin ang misteryo….)

Kaya heto ako at sasabihin ko sa inyo ang ilang mga posibilidad kung bakit.

11. Destiny Adik Eto yung mga naghihintay kay “Destiny” na gumawa ng paraan para pagtagpuin sila ng kanilang mga “partner in life”.. ayannn… kapapanood nyo ng “Serendipity” eh feeling nila ang nangyari sa movie eh mangyayari rin sa kanila such a cliche.. hindi ba nila alam na kung walang effort destiny is useless.

( ‘di naman….siguro ay di lang pa talaga dumarating ang para sa akin…alangan namang pumatol na lang maski kanino basta magkajowa lang…ang sagwa naman nun di ba?…)

10. Perfectionist/ Mapili Yes, isang taong perpeksiyonista. Yung tipong dapat ganito ang magiging kapartner ko. Pag may nakilala, nakita lang na pangit ang kuko o may dumi lang, turn-off na agad. O kaya ang daming ayaw. Ayaw sa mabait boring daw, gusto bad boy/ pilya pero kapag pinaiyak ka tatanungin ka bakit ang sama mo bakit mo nagawa yun! Adik ka ba?! Ayaw sa cute, ayaw din naman sa panget. meron dyan gusto ka ayaw mo naman.. ung gusto mo halos magtambling ka pero deadma parin yang stunts mO sa kanya! Pasaway ka rin e! Ano ba talaga kuya?

( pwede….pro di naman sa lahat ng pagkakataon…nagkagusto nga ako minsan sa isang lalaking tingin ng lahat ay walang pakinabang at puno pa ng yabang….mapili ba yon? hehehe…ijustify ba?…)

9. Busy Busyhan Opo, eto yung ang mundo e gumagalaw lang sa libro at ballpen kung estudyante ka o kaya naman sa computer at files kung office staff ka. Yung tipong aalis ng bahay ng alas 6 o alas 7 ng umaga at uuwi ng bahay ng 6 hanggang alas 8 ng gabi [baligtad naman para sa mga nag tratrabaho sa call center]. Sabay tulog na. Kapag sabado masaya na sila sa tv, sa pagkain na niluluto ni mama at sa linggo naman sisimba at maghahanda na ng kelangan para sa lunes hanggang byernes. Pssssst.. pause for awhile.

( GUILTY……I’m a full-time call center agent/MA student/mother/friend/sister/bread winner rolled in one. Do I need to elaborate? )

8. Friendship Theory Ano naman ito? Eto yung ang buhay ay kay bestfriend o kaya kay special friend na hindi masasabi sabi sa friendship nya sa loob ng kanilang mahabang panahon na pagsasama dahil baka daw maapektuhan ang pakikipagkaibigan at iwasan sya. Yung tipong pag may kasama si friendship na iba, nagseselos na wala naman sa lugar, pero syempre wag pahalata, kunyari happy sya for friendship. ABA ! Oi lakasan mo ang loob at baka mamaya forever mong pagsisihan yan kaw rin. Minsan pa naman pareho kayong naghihintayan. . hmmp!

( nah….di totoo to para sa akin…I can’t be friends with someone I’m in love with who’s in love with someone else..di na uso martir ngayon no? )

7. Born-to-be-one (Authestic) Eto yung nasa palad na ang pagiging single daw. Walang reasons. Basta lang nabuhay sya sa mundo na mag-isa at feeling nya mamatay sya sa mundo ng mag-isa. Kesyo magmamadre o magpapari na lang. Asa kang tatanggapin ka pa noh!

( Di ko to kaya…ayoko ngang maging old maid!!!!! )

6. Happy-go-lucky Eto yung taong walang alam kundi kasiyahan at trippings. Kahit sino nalang basta no string attach. For fun lang daw… Walang halong seryosohan. ABA hoy! yang init ng katawan mo e ikiskis mo nalang sa pader. Makakahanap ka rin ng katapat mo!!!

( ehem!!! sorry di ako makarelate….next please… )

5. Wrong Place May nakaranas na ba nito? Yung pakiramdam mo nasa ibang mundo ka. Yung ang nakakaharap mo e yung mga hindi mo gusto, yung mga hindi mo hinahanap. Alam mo yun? Halimbawa nasa ibang bansa ka, pero ang hinahanap mo e yung amoy ng nasa sariling bayan mo. O kaya naman e nasa sarili mong bayan ka, nasa normal na lipunan, pero ikaw ang abnormal at hindi mo kayang sabihin na abnormal din ang hanap mo kung ayaw mong ibitin ka nila ng patiwarik.

( di pa naman ako umabot sa stage na to…. normal pa naman ako the last I checked…hehehehe! )

4. Wrong Time Eto yung mga tao na sinasabi na, hindi pa ako ready e bata pa kasi ako o kaya naman hindi pa ako handa sa panahong ito, wala pa ako kayang ipagmalaki. Yes meron pong ganyan. Yung feeling nila may tamang panahon para sa love. Awwwwwww. Aba kelan yun? Pag uugod ugod ka na at yung time mo e bitin na? O baka naman pag pang out of time ka na? Oist, sugod lang ng sugod.

( I knew someone who used this line….hi Jong! )

3. Si parents kasi! Yes, factor din ang komyunidad na ginagalawan mo. Una, ayaw pa ni mader o pader na magkaron ka kahit 22 anyos ka na at kelangan umabot ka muna raw ng 40 bago magkaroon ng gf/bf. O kaya naman ikaw mismo! Takot sa sasabihin ni parents at ni kapitbahay na tsismosa sa magiging kasama mo. Aba ikaw na nga ba ang sabihan na.. Alam mo hindi kayo bagay. langit at lupa kayo. Awwwww. Payo ko sayo, Pakialam nila diba? Palibhasa inggit!

( Ok c papa…deadma c mama…ayaw pahalata pero pag may inerereto sa akin, ang mukha di naman maipinta…. )

2. Traumatic Experience Eto kalimitan ang reason ng marami. Ayaw ko na!!! takot na ako mangyari pa ang nangyari dati! O diba ang drama ng layp? Yes, tama ka. Eto yung dahil sa past relationship mo, e until na ayaw mo ng magkaroon at sinumpa mo na ata ang magmahal. Dahil sa pinagpalit ka sa mas pangit, o kaya naman iniwan ka ng walang word na bye-bye, o dahil binugbog ka!, ano pa ba? Madami yan wag na nating isa isahin at baka tumulo si tears heheh Gayunpaman, eto lang masasabi ko mga hija at hijo. Ibat iba ang lasa ng pag-ibig. May mapait, may mapakla, may matamis at may maasim. Aba mapalad ka at natikman mo ang ibat ibang lasa nito. Kaya ikaw, Do not be afraid to fall in love again malay mo sweetiness na ang malasahin mo next time. E di panalo ka sa lotto. Yan ang nagpapalakas sayo¦ Yang ang bumubuhay sayo, ang pag-ibig. tsk! drama!

( I heve never been a victim of love … magiging willing victim pa lang kung saka-sakali…hehehehe! )

1. EX to the nth power Oi aminin!!! LOVE parin si Ex kahit 1 or 2 yrs na ang nakakalipas. May ganito naman. Yung tipong ilang taon ang nakakalipas, hindi parin makalimutan si ex. Yung pinagsamahan, yung tawanan, yung iyakan, at lahat ng nangyari sa inyo nung kayo pa. Malungkot man at sa kung anumang kadahilanan, maganda man o masama ito, kelangan nyong magpaalam sa isa’t isa. YES, after ay year sasabihin natin, im over him/her na, pero pag-usapan natin ang love at ang nangyari sa ating relastionship from the past, TADANNNNNNNNNNNNN, eto na, sya agad ang naalala mo. At habang nagkukwento ka, ouch may kirot, o kaya may ngiti at may bumabagabag sa ating kalooban. Ano kaya yun? AMININ mo na kasi MAHAL mo pa si EX. Isa lang ang masasabi ko, well mahirap sya kalimutan alam ko yan pero open your heart and makipagdate ka, lumabas ka, at try to entertain someone. Wag mo ikumpara si ex sa iba. At give urself KITKAT, take a break.

( pwede maapply sa EX-CRUSH?….hehehehe!

Isa lang naman ang dahilan ko kung bakit…..mano ba namang may jowa na naman ( ulit !!!) ang gusto ko….kawawa naman ako…

have you ever…..

Have you ever loved somebody so much It makes you cry Have you ever needed something so bad You can’t sleep at night Have you ever tried the words But they don’t come out right Have you ever, have you ever

Have you ever been in love Been in love so bad You’d do anything to make them understand Have you ever had someone steal your heart away You’d give anything to make them feel the same Have you ever searched for words to get you in their heart But you don’t know what to say And you don’t know where to start

Have you ever loved somebody so much It makes you cry Have you ever needed something so bad You can’t sleep at night Have you ever tried to find the words But they don’t come out right Have you ever, have you ever

Have you ever found the one You’ve dreamed of all your life You’d do anything to look in their eyes Have you finally found the one you’ve given your heart to Only to find that one won’t give their heart to you Have you ever closed your eyes and Dreamed that they were there And all you can do is wait for that day when they will care

What do I gotta do to get you in my arms baby What do I gotta do to get in your heart To make you understand how I need you next to me Gotta get you in my world ‘Coz baby I can’t sleep

(Brandy)

Hehehe!!! I just got my grades for my MA last Friday and guess what? I got very good grades…even better than I expected….I think I deserve a reward. Don’t u think?

My Song

Laging bigo laging sawi sa pag ibig Minamalas o kay sakit May balat nga ba ako sa pwet Mabuti pa ang tindera sa aming kanto Nakakaingit TL ang sweet nila ng Kaniyang nobyo Gusto ko lang maranasan umibig Tamaan ni kupido Gusto ko lang maranasan ang langit Tumibok muli ang puso ko

Tumatakbo ang oras naiiwan na ako Ng panahon Di na nagbago bawat araw pare pareho parang kahapon Tumatakbo ang oras

May birthday cake ka nga Ngunit wala naman kandila May christmas tree na malupet Wala naman dekorasyong pansabit Sadyang ganyan ang aking buhay Walang kasing tamlay Ayoko sanang tumandang nagiisa

Tumatakbo ang oras naiiwan na ako Ng panahon Di na nagbago bawat araw pare pareho parang kahapon Tumatakbo ang oras Tumatakbo ang oras

Tatanggapin na lang ba ang malupit Na tadhana o kayay Tatanggapin na lang ba na akoy Sadyang hindi pinagpala Tigilan na ang drama Punasan na ang luha

Tumatakbo ang oras naiiwan na ako Ng panahon Di na nagbago bawat araw pare pareho parang kahapon Tumatakbo ang oras naiiwan na ako Ng panahon Di na nagbago bawat araw pare pareho parang kahapon

Tumatakbo, tumatakbo, Tumatakbo naiiwan na ako Tumatakbo, tumatakbo, Tumatakbo naiiwan na ako Tumatakbo, tumatakbo, Tumatakbo naiiwan na ako