nice reading…
July 26, 2006He’s Just Not That Into You
by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo
Cut your losses and don’t waste your time . Why stay in some weird dating limbo when you can move on to what will surely be better territory? Don’t want to hear it? Fine. Here’s the answer you’re looking for, “Hang in there, baby. He’s not the loser everybody’s telling you he is. If you wait and keep your mouth shut and call at exactly the right time and anticipate his moods and have no expectations about communication or your own sexual needs, you can have him!” But please don’t be surprised if he dumps you or continues to drag you through a completely unsatisfying relationship.
He is a man made up entirely of your excuses. And the minute you stop making excuses for him, he will completely disappear from your life.
Men, for the most part, like to pursue women. We (men) like not knowing if we can catch you. We feel rewarded when we do.
Don’t let the “honeys” and the “babys” fool you. His sweet nothings are exactly that. They are much easier to say than “I’m just not that into you.” Remember, actions speak louder than, “There’s no cell reception where I am right now.”
Calling when you say you’re going to call is the very first brick in the house you are building of love and trust. If he can’t lay this one stupid brick down, you ain’t never gonna have a house, baby. And it’s cold outside.
He will always be able to play the “friend” card on you. He only has to be responsible for the expectations of a friend, rather than the the far greater expectations of a boyfriend. He’s got the ultimate situation: a great friend with all the benefits of a girlfriend, whom he can see or not see whenever he wants to. He may be one of your closest friends, but I’m sorry to say … as a boyfriend, he’s just not that into you.
Beware of the word “friend”. It can often be used by men or the women that love them to excuse the most unfriendly behavior. Personally, when I’m picking friends, I like the ones who don’t make me cry myself to sleep.
I don’t want to be “sort of dating” someone. I don’t want to be “kinda hanging out” with someone. I don’t want to spend a lot of energy suppressing my feelings so I appear uninvolved. I want to be involved. I want to be sleeping with someone I know I’ll see again because they’ve already demonstarted to me that they’re trustworthy and honorable — and into me.
You can’t blame a guy for having feelings. You love someone, you break up, you still have feeling. Thank God for that really. But having feelings don’t mean you have to have sex.
Every man you have ever dated who has said he doesn’t want to get married or doesn’t believe in marriage, or has “issues” with marriage, will … rest assured … someday be married. It just will never be with you.
Everyone wants to be loved and needed, particularly by the person who just broke up with us. I understand. What could be better than hearing from the man who just told you he didn’t want you in his life anymore … his sad, wistful, “I miss you so much” voice on the other end of the phone? It’s validating. It’s exciting. It’s irresistible. But resist you must.
My friends all say I should stop talking to him, but I think he misses me, and I like that. I miss him. I feel if I stay in touch with him, it will remind him of how great I am, and eventually he will realize that we should be together again.
A man who wants to make a relationship work will move mountains to keep the woman he loves. If he’s not calling you to tell you he loves you and wants you back, it should only be because he’s showing up at your new residence to do it in person … if he’s not doing any of that, he may love you, he may miss you, but ultimately he’s just not that into you. Stop taking his calls and let him know what it’s like to live without you.
Don’t be flattered that he misses you. He should miss you. You’re deeply missable. However, he’s still the same person who just broke up with you. Remember, the only reason he can miss you is because he’s choosing, every day, not to be with you.
I was seeing a guy for about a month. He broke up with me, saying that he didn’t feel like it could be something serious. I understood and took it well. He wanted to know if we could still hang out as friends. I said sure. Now we get together and go out and then come back to his place and have sex, just like we did before. (But now, we’re “broken up.”) He’s really, really cute and I love having sex with him. I also think he must like me if he can’t stop being around me. And I think it’s kinda cool — all pressure’s off and we’re having a great time together. I’ve decided that I think it’s fine and I’m not going to call his attention for the fact that we’re actually dating. Except for the fact that we broke up.
This guy is brilliant. He goes out with you, dates you, breaks up with you, then continues to sleep with you, which basically absolves him of all responsibility toward your feelings. After all, you’re not going out anymore. It’s genius! It’s diabolical! He should be writing a book! In fact, I bet this guy could get his own little cult going if he wanted to. And let me guess, you’d be happy to sign up for that as well. For the record, this guy doesn’t “like you so much that he can’t stop being around you.” Because here’s what guys don’t do if they can’t live without you: they don’t break up with you. This guy is seriously not into you, it’s crazy. The only way you’re going to figure out how into you you are … is how fast you get rid of him.
It’s very tempting when you really want to be with someone to settle for much, much less — even a vague pathetic facsimile of less — than you would have ever imagined. Remember always what you set out to get and please don’t settle for less. These guys exist because there are a lot of women out there who allow them to.
Hey girl. Put down the penis, put your clothes back on, and go directly to your best friend’s house. Do not find an excuse to stay. Do not think that because of all the crazy hotness of it all, it now means that you’re meant to be together. Yes, break up sex does seem like a good idea, because hey, it’s nice to have sex with someone you have these dramatic feelings about. It makes it all, well, dramatic. But now you know. It confuses everything and makes you separate sex and emotions. So now you don’t ever have to make that mistake again. Got it? He’s into the very-bad-idea-that-masquerades-as-a-good-idea, breakup sex. Over and out.
Don’t underestimate the power of sex, even with someone you’ve been doing it with for a very long time. Especially with someone you’ve been doing it with for a very long time. Breaking up means not seeing them again, which also implies not seeing them naked again. It might be tempting to forget this pearl of wisdom, but just remember, it’s still called breakup sex. No one has yet to rename it oh-my-god-the-sex-was-so-good-we-got-back-together-again-and-lived-happily-ever-after sex.
He’s sniffing for something better, and when he doesn’t find it, he gets lonely and comes “home.” It’s not that he’s so into you. It’s that he’s so not into being alone. Don’t give him the chance to break up with you for the fourth time. (Even the idea of it sounds beneath you, doesn’t it?) Reset your breakup maximum to one and move on.
Deciding to get back together with someone is a complicated and difficult decision. Just remember that the person you are getting back together with is the same person who, not long before, looked you in your beautiful face, took full stock of you and all your qualities, and told you that he was no longer in need of your company.
Don’t confuse being classy with being a doormat. Classy is walking away with your head held high, graciously, and with all dignity. Being a doormat is offering to drive him to the dentist for his root canal.
Breakups, I’ve heard, are supposed to be just that. Breaks. Hard, clean breaks. No talking, no seeing, no touching … keep your hands to yourself. The relationship is over. Half the people I know move after a huge breakup, and frankly that makes perfect sense to me. You’re not supposed to sleep with the guy who just broke your heart a week ago. Fine. Next time I’m in this situation I’ll cry. Stay in bed and wail. Go to the gym if I can. Call all my friends and burden them with my misery. Sleep too much. Cry some more. See my therapist more often. Get a puppy. Do whatever I have to so eventually I can move on.
Breakup sex still means you’re broken up.
Cut him off. Let him miss you.
He doesn’t need to be reminded that you’re great.
There’s a guy out there who’s going to be really happy that you didn’t get back together with your crappy ex-boyfriend.
The reason it’s so painful when someone disappears is you have to face the fact that the person you loved had probably left you a long time before he grabbed his coat and scrammed. The part part is realizing that he was lying to you, in some way, before the moment of vanishing.
Don’t give him the chance to reject you again.
No matter how powerful and real your feelings may be for someone, if that person cannot fully and honestly return them and therefore actively love you back, these feelings mean nothing.
Being lonely … being alone … for many people … sucks. I get it, I get it, I get it. But still I have to say that yes, my belief is that being with somebody who makes you feel shitty or doesn’t honor the person you are is worse.
Life is hard enough as it is without choosing someone difficult to share it with.
You deserve to be with someone who is nice to you all the time.
don’t you?
Don’t You Just Hate That….
By Scott Cohen
(there are 738 in the book…
these are just a few i liked.
go buy the book for all of them!)
Tipping someone who hasn’t earned it only because you don’t want to look cheap.
Late fees for a video you didn’t have time to watch.
The second-to-last day of a two-week vacation.
When your Cracker Jack has melted into one big Jack.
Realizing after several attempts that youve been trying to insert a three-prong plus into a two-prong outlet.
Banana bruises that arent visible on the outside of the peel
People who dont remove their christmas decorations untill March
When a homely person compliements you on your looks, forcing you either to return the compliemtn insincerely or say thanks without saying anything more, thereby removing any doubt that you dont find him attractive
Accidentally setting your alarm clock for P.M instead of A.M
Wondering, based on his answers, if the person youre copying from knows less than you.
People who have no clue how loudly they talk
Being unable to twist a jar open and unwilling to let someone else give it a try
How uncomfortable white people feel when black people call each other “nigga”
When your hosts can hear your urine splashing into the toilet because the bathroom has no fan and is adjacent to the dining room.
People who keep their clock set 10 minutes fast “incase I need extra time”
White guys with a snoop dog cell phone ring
Having no clue when to use a semicolon
Rearranging heavy furniture, then realizing you liked it better before
People who are not your relatives who send photos of their child at three months, six months, nine months…
Realizing you were wearing the same outfit the last time you hung out with this person
When the teacher erases the entire blackboard but misses one prominent chalk mark
Recieving a birthday card 8 days before your birthday
Dear Mom,
I really hate camp.I have no friends,and everyone teases me
because I cant swim. I want to come home.
-Dylan
When you sign the back of your credit card and it doesnt look like your signature.
Bitting your cheek on the swollen area where youve previously bitten it.
When the waiter asks “is everything alright here?” right after youve taken a big bite out of your sandwhich, causing you to grunt your response
Not liking the gift you pulled out of the grab bag as much as the one you put into it.
When you hold the ketchup bottle over your french fries and the first thing that comes out is red water
People who are afraid to step on an escalator… missed it…how bout this one…no, not that one…wait, not that one
either,… that one —no, not that one!
People who point at their wrists while asking for the time
When youre paying for something at a store and they ask you what Zip Code you live in
When the driver pushes the unlock button, but you pull the handle at the same moment and remain locked out
the momentary frenzy that ensues the instant that a cashier calls out “this register is now open”
TABLE 5:
Hank&Eve
Jeffery&JOhanna
Lenny&Tamara
Johnathan&Kathy
Robin
When the brief thrill of making the yellow light ends and youre bored again
Remembering enough french from high school to know that two frenchman sitting next to you are talking about you, but not knowing enough french to understand what theyre saying
Being the last person on a long line that no one else seems to be getting on
When a stranger asks you for the time, and your fear that you wont
be able to answer in an appropriate time span cause you to blurt out
“9:17.NO,10:17! NO!!! 9:17!
Wondering if the appetizer youre sharing with a friend is being divided evenly.
Walking by the same person youve already walked by in the dairy, produce, and frozen food sections
Watching a movie with your parents that shows full frontal nudity
An open parenthesis that is never closed (like this
ho-humm….
”You know i used to spend every day thinking about you and dreaming about you, and everytime you walked by i lost myself, do you know what that feels like? And you couldnt possibly know what it feels like to have that person not have the same feelings back. Look, i’m sorry if you miss the way i looked at you, but i dont miss the way you never looked at me.“ “You wanna know what the truth is? I still love you and I probably will love you for a very long time. But I can’t just be your buddy, because as much as i enjoy the concept of being “just friends” in reality it’s a bizarre form of torture and i’m just not willing to participate in it. so right now what i wanna do is just move on and get over you and the only way for me to do that is to not be around you anymore.”
“Letting go isn’t a one time thing, its something you do everyday, over and over again“
“It seems a little sad that I was the girl whose only purpose was to help you find out who you’re really in love with.“
“I’m scared that I’m going to end up alone. I’m scared that I’m always going to be somebody’s friend, or sister, or confidant, never quite somebody’s everything. Mostly I’m scared I’m never going to find a guy that I love as much as I love you. “
“Maybe some friendships aren’t meant to be saved. maybe we’re meant to spend a
certain part of our life with certain people…and then move on.“
“ don’t know. It’s like, there’s this person that you want to be for other people. To make them proud of you. And then there’s you. And sometimes it’s hard to tell where one ends and the other begins. Does that make any sense?“
“in the best possible way, you have absolutely wrecked me, because you see, i fell in love with you knowing that there was never any possibility of being with you.“
“So you’re breaking my heart into a million pieces, and you’re saying it’s because I deserve better?“
“Because… I saw you out there talking to her. I saw your face when you were watching her leave, and I realized that… she hurt you way more than you ever hurt me“
“I’m leaving because you never asked me to stay “
“as you know, I’m not good at goodbyes but i guess that’s what this is, a real one this time, because as much as i thought i wanted us to be together, i guess what i want more is to be one of those people who lives every moment of his life without indecision and without regrets, someone who dares to disturb the universe without a thought to the consequences, and you’re not one of those people, at least not yet, maybe you’ll prove me wrong about that one day, i hope you do, but who knows? maybe people can’t change, maybe we’re doomed to repeat the same mistakes over and over again no matter how hard we try. i always hope for a happy ending, how crazy is that? take care of yourself.“
(dawson’s creek)
mushi-mushi
” You’re letting her think you’re emotionally available. You’re letting her think she has a chance. And there is nothing worse in the world than thinking you have a chance when you really don’t. ” (greys’s anatomy)
“You never asked me to wait for you — and I don’t even know if you want me to — heck, I don’t even know if I want to . . . but something is telling me that when you come back I’m going to be exactly what you want, and you will realize I have been here all this time, and you will wonder why you didn’t want me all along. And somehow — that will bring us to our happily ever after “ -Felicity
“I spend 23 hours a day wondering whether we’re wrong for each other, wondering whether we’ve got the energy that we need to get through everything that we seem to get into, whether the baggage we both bring would sink a small ship. But in the 24th hour, I realize I’ve been thinking about her for 23 hours and I come back to there’s something about her, I can’t stay away from. Something about her, that makes me want to love her. “- Dr. Carter, ER
